Top 5 things your Friend who has a special needs child wants to tell you

I don't know how long it's going to take me to pound these 5 things out. I may get it done tonight but probably, more than likely not. I think this first part is just going to be an introduction to why I feel this is necessary to get off my chest.

I never realized what these parents go through until I witnessed it first hand (sort of) when I was reconnected with a friend from college. Her son suffers from a devastating seizure disorder (Infantile Spasms)and it really opened my eyes to what they are going through.
As I began to pray for her little boy who is only a week younger than my own child, God began to show me how to be a friend to her even though we are separated by over 1,000 miles. I am not saying that I am a great friend but I want to share with you a few things I think has helped me be a better friend to her.
So here is #1...
Do your own research but don't email your friend the 1 million websites that you find concerning her child's disorder BECAUSE unless she doesn't have the Internet she has already looked at every single one of them over the course of 5 sleepless days and nights following the diagnosis.
The reason why I say this is because you need to be informed. This is the closest you will get to understanding what your friend is going through and you need to be equipped to help her explain to others what is going on. Your friend has to explain what is wrong with her child more times a day than you have to pee and she probably is to the point that she just wishes she could put it on a brochure and hand it out to all the inconsiderate poops in the world who stare and make faces and ask dumb questions. She needs you to already "get it". She needs you to be able to sit in the room with her child while she eats her dinner or returns phone calls from the doctors and know that her child is safe with you because you know what is going on and how to help her child if they need it.
#2 She needs you to shut up! or BE quiet! whichever you prefer. I am not really partial to either word so its your choice. There are so many different SN children but unless your child has the IDENTICAL disorder, DO NOT say "oh I know how you feel." CUZ' you don't! you don't have a clue and no matter how much time you spend with the child and your friend you still did not give birth to a child that has a special need and you don't know how they feel. I will give you an example from my own life that may seem a little extreme but I think you will get the point.
When I was 6, my sister who was 8, died from complications of juvenile diabetes. About 4 months after her passing it was Fall and kids were going back to school. A friend of my mom's stopped by our house one afternoon whose daughter had just left for college and it was about 20 hours away from where we lived. She sat at our kitchen table blubbering and babbling about her little girl being so far away and then
She said it

yep, you guessed it


she said, "OH [my mother's name],I now know exactly how you feel about [my sister's name]! I feel the same way!I miss my baby girl so much!"....well, my lowly, meek and mild mother lost it, probably one of three times in my life I ever saw her that upset. She responded back to her, "You don't have a clue how I feel, your daughter will come home for Christmas, you will get to see your daughter walk down the aisle one day, you will celebrate another birthday with your daughter and I will never ever get to do that with mine!"

Get my drift.... Those words can be so hurtful when you may mean them to be helpful and if you are one of those people who say to that "well, they need to not be so uptight, I am just trying to help." YOU need to go back and take TRUE FRIENDS 101 and get your head out your rear because being a friend to her requires for you not to be such a self-centered poop!

I feel like this is one of those friendships you have to have in your life. You need to know what its like to always put some one's feelings before yours. You need to allow them to have complete phone conversations without you really responding. They need to turn to someone that they can just be open with and not have to worry about hurting your feelings by not giving you proper "air time". You need to understand that the blessings you receive by being so selfless outweighs any other friendship you may have.

Well... that's all I have for this installment of this topic. I will work on the other 3 and post them. I will give them their own label too in case you come back looking for it!