I know... I am a slacker

BUT am I the only one who can't seem to pound out a blog when my heart is heavy?
SO much is going on...
Finding out if Trevy was getting to have an operation so that my dream of he and kayla getting to run around and play could come true


Finding out if my Best Friend since 5th grades' husband would have good results from his heart catheterization and if that checked out wondering what could be wrong with him.


Trying to figure out what in the world races through some people's mind even though you think you should know them since they have always been in your life

Dealing with this still never-ending black cloud over my mind telling me at any time the door bell is going to ring and Joey will have died in the line of duty

and...
knowing that come next July, I will once again get to find yet another job since I will be getting laid off from the one I have now. Difficult because of the decision to not go to college has left me having no idea what i am going to do.

Am i the only one that dreams though, if I complete this 1/2 marathon, maybe I should become a personal trainer and inspire tubby people like I am currently to get their butt in gear because hopefully by then i will be skinny

OR

the bigger dream, to complete the book I am writing and Nelson Publishing see it, read it, love it and I then get to travel all over the nation speaking to women at conferences and sharing with them whatever God puts on my heart.
It sounds so crazy and yet I could see myself doing either one or BOTH. I want to inspire and uplift people. I see so many sad people these and I know there is something better out there. The bad part, I am one of those sad people some days. Sometimes only a friend's sweet email or surprise phone call can make me realize God has given me a desire to reach out to people and that giving to someone makes the receiving so much better.
I am now realizing that there is no need to be sad about 30 because I can choose to make it great or I can choose to make it not so great and feel the same way at 40 as I did when I turned 30.
The point is I have to choose.... I cant stand by and let the waves of life shape me like sand on a shore, or I can let God shape me like clay in the Potter's hand.